What does a wedding toast have to do with work/life balance?
Recently I had the pleasure of witnessing my best friend marry the love of her life. I traveled 9,000 miles from Manila to Washington, DC for the wedding celebration, in which I was the Matron of Honor. (I was most definitely honored, but had to get used to being called a “matron.”) My husband had the genius idea that I take this trip on my own – he argued that if he and our two daughters (ages 5 and 2) came along, I would not be able to focus on helping the bride, and I wouldn’t really get to enjoy the wedding and other festivities. (He was right.) So he stayed behind to hold down the fort with the kids, and even gave me his frequent flier miles for the plane ticket. What a gift.
Photo by Rick Martin
One of the most nerve-racking moments for me as Matron of Honor (other than figuring out how to bustle the bridal gown with its 22 buttons!) was giving a toast at the wedding reception. Thankfully, I got through it OK, without fumbling over my words or tearing up too much. And after I was done, I was able to be fully present for, and listen intently to, the toasts that came after. I was particularly captivated by a toast given by the father of the groom, who granted me permission to share it here:
I suppose it is only natural to want to try to say everything that could and should be said and to say it eloquently and perfectly.
But knowing myself as I do and recognizing that perfection is just not very realistic for me, let me try to cut to the chase and say – as I have said to you before – my basic wish, my most fundamental desire and hope for you is simply that you will have enough…
Enough feasting, enough fasting…
Enough play, enough work…
Enough receiving, enough giving…
Enough breathing in, enough breathing out…
Enough acceptance, enough challenge…
Enough compassion, enough judgment…
Enough forgiveness, enough repentance…
Enough faith, enough doubt…
Father of the Groom Toast (Photo by Rick Martin)
Enough warmth, enough “coolth”…
Enough closeness, enough distance…
Enough movement, enough stillness…
Enough words, enough quiet…
Enough Yin, enough Yang…
Enough this, enough that….
May you have enough.
And may God grant you the wisdom to see and to know
When enough is enough.
While his toast was about married life for the bride and groom, his words made me think of the perennial struggle for work/life balance that we all seem to be engaged in. I think that this approach, looking at what is “enough,” can be helpful.
It’s the kind of thing you recognize when you see it. You just know, on a gut level, when you have enough — the right mix of work and play, busy and calm, challenge and relaxation. And it’s easy to determine when you feel the lack of something in life or in work. It’s trickier to quantify in advance of experiencing it. Yet if we can figure that out, if we can identify what we actually want, we will have a much better chance of experiencing moments of “enough.”
The good news is that we can use all of our past moments of “too much” or “not enough” to help us figure out what is “enough” for us. Of course, what is “enough” for you will not be the same as what is “enough” for me. And what is “enough” for you today will not be the same as 5 years from now – or maybe even next month.
Figuring out what is “enough” in terms of work/life balance is a process of constant questioning and adjusting. There is no silver bullet or one-size-fits-all magic solution that will enable us to achieve a balanced life once and for all. You have to work it out for yourself, for your particular work or career situation, your personal or family circumstances, your temperament, your values, the state of your finances – the list goes on. Which is why I enjoy coaching people one-on-one around these work/life challenges – helping them develop a tailored approach that works best for them as unique individuals, and helping them put that ideal into practice.
Where in your life have you experienced moments of “enough”? What do you have too much of these days? What are you lacking at the moment? Please share in the Comments below.
Thanks for reading. And may you, and yours, always have enough.
Photo by nImAdestiny
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